Is there an ‘I’ in (embodied) research?

Trauma-sensitive theology after sexualized abuse: what might this look like? This is the main question that guides my current research project. In my research, I am exploring the experiences of women who have experienced sexualized abuse. How do they connect their experiences of trauma to their bodies, and to God? As a survivor of sexualized abuse myself, I do research on the very topic of sexualized abuse in Christian contexts. My positionality is advantage and disadvantage at the same time. I am invested in my research topic in a deeply personal way. Yet, disclosing my positionality is always an act of vulnerability. It is also an act of embodiment. I take my body, with her stories and experiences, into the field to meet other bodies with their stories and experiences. For my empirical research, I took part in a course designed for women who have experienced sexualized abuse. In this course we meditated, drew, and danced. My research became a matter of embodied being, of being researcher and participant at the same time. With Nina Hoel, I contend that doing research “is always an embodied practice” (Hoel 2013, 29), and that “[…] bodies are vessel of meaning and meaning-making, at times, empowered and loud, but also, bereft and silent.” (Hoel 2013, 37). We do research with and from our bodies. And our bodies are not clean slates: they have stories to tell.

For this presentation, I am inspired by the work of Adriaan van Klinken, who has interlaced his description of fieldwork in Kenya with four personal interludes in which he reflects on personal experiences in the process of researching and writing his book (Van Klinken 2019). These autoethnographic interludes provide insight into the personal process which is tied up with the research process. These interludes, Van Klinken argues, give insight into the “embodied nature of qualitative research, especially in the area of religion and sexuality.” (Van Klinken 2019, 24) With this interludes, Van Klinken writes his own body into the text – a body that, as Hoel also argues, is per definition part of the research. By explicitly including his body into his research text, Van Klinken opens up space for reflection on his positionality as embodied researcher.

Taking examples from the work of Nina Hoel and Adriaan van Klinken, in this presentation I explore both reasons and ways to bring the ‘I’ in (embodied) research to the fore. Interlacing this methodological discussion, there will be several interludes in which I dive deeper into my own lived experience which I bring to the field. With words and visual artwork I convey my own positionality and my embodied involvement in creative ways. These creative interludes enhance and illustrate the methodological points I make in this presentation.

My body has stories to tell, and these stories influence my position(ality) as a researcher. By allowing stories from my body to be a part of my research project and this presentation, I hope to open up space for reflection and critical engagement.